Emotional Labor in the Workplace
Navigating unfair expectations, toxic dynamics, and the silent toll on well-being
The Knot
The knot in my stomach begins the moment I log into my work computer. It's an almost physical reaction, as if my body is warning me of the weight I'll have to carry that day. The unfairness of this workplace looms over me—starting with the inappropriate advances my boss made when I first joined, to the months of backlash I endured after rejecting him. And it hasn’t stopped there.
I manage an entire program with no guidance or support. Worse, I’m expected to serve as an emotional dumping ground for someone who refuses to learn how to process his feelings. It’s exhausting, draining, and fundamentally unfair. But what bothers me the most is the sadness I feel when I realize how long I’ve stayed, despite how bad it makes me feel. I ask myself daily, How did it come to this?
Victim-Blaming and Professional Risk
When I confided in my sister about my boss’s behavior, her response was simple: “Why didn’t you report him?” On the surface, it seems like the right thing to do—hold him accountable, report the misconduct, and move forward. But it’s not that simple, and I don’t think she understood the risks involved.
Victims are often the ones punished for speaking up. Reporting a superior for misconduct comes with professional risks—career blacklisting, subtle retaliation, and even outright dismissal. And while corporate policies may claim to support victims, the reality is that companies often act to protect themselves first.
The sad truth is that sometimes, it’s not worth the risk to “do the right thing.” That realization makes me both sad and mad. It feels unjust that victims are forced to weigh their livelihoods against their right to be treated with dignity.
Emotional Labor in the Workplace
The inappropriate behavior and lack of support were bad enough, but what’s been equally draining is the constant emotional labor I’ve had to perform for my boss. He treats me like his personal therapist, dumping his frustrations and insecurities onto me while refusing to take any steps to manage his emotions.
Emotional labor isn’t just exhausting—it’s dehumanizing. I’m here to do my job, not to absorb someone else’s emotional chaos. Yet, in toxic workplaces like this one, it’s expected. It’s one more unfair burden placed on the shoulders of employees who are already stretched too thin.
The Broader Cultural Problem
My story isn’t unique. Toxic workplaces are everywhere, and they thrive on the silence of people like me who feel trapped by financial or professional constraints. Corporate cultures often protect abusers rather than victims, prioritizing their reputations over justice.
Leaders like my boss aren’t held accountable because there’s no real incentive for them to change. Instead, the burden falls on the victims—expected to endure, report, or leave. It’s a systemic issue, and it won’t change until workplaces stop valuing appearances over accountability.
A Call for Change
Workplace cultures don’t have to be this way. We need better systems to support victims, such as truly anonymous reporting mechanisms and enforceable accountability policies for leaders. Emotional intelligence should be a core competency for anyone in a position of power.
To anyone reading this who feels trapped in a toxic workplace: know that your feelings are valid. The knot in your stomach is real, and it’s trying to tell you something. You deserve to work in an environment that values your well-being and respects your boundaries.
My hope is that by sharing my story, I can spark conversations about the changes we need. No one should feel like they have to endure injustice just to make a living.
A Visualization Exercise to Release Stomach Knots
Close your eyes and picture the knot in your stomach.
Ask it, What do you need me to know?
Visualize yourself gently unraveling the knot as you breathe deeply.
Imagine replacing it with warmth, light, or calm energy—something that feels neutral or empowering.
By shifting your relationship to the knot, you transform it into an ally rather than an enemy. Over time, that knot can become less about the stress and more about reminding you of your strength and ability to protect yourself.